Posted: 2017-12-07 11:19
I believe this is also the reasoning behind LokLand 8767 s suggested exercise in #798. If you prefer adjectives to numbers, then give yourself a good range of modifiers, stick to it, and see whether the men who come on to you are closer to 8775 Gorgeous 8776 or to 8775 Pleasant 8776 or to 8775 Awkward 8776 or to whatever. The reflection in these 8775 mirrors 8776 won 8767 t encapsulate the whole you, of course, but they 8767 ll give you a better sense of how you appear to masculine eyes.
6. The place we go on the date (Ex: fancy restaurants, boats, expensive activities)
7. The types of clothing the man wears.
8. What type of car you drive.(We figure this out if you pick us up for the date in your car or if we see you get into a car once the date is over)
9. The title of the job you tell us you have.
5. The type of credit card you use to pay for things. (One guy I knew paid for dinner with a Black Amex Centurion card. It 8767 s made out of titanium. He was no more than 85 years old and it made a huge impression on me)
6. What neighborhood/part of town you mention you are from
7. Your hobbies (Ex: boating, golfing, etc)
8. The type of accessories you wear (Ex: expensive watch, pricey cufflinks, designer sunglasses, etc)
8775 What I’m getting at is something much more fundamental. Because desire is socially constructed (no matter how much folks justify their limited dating choices based on ‘natural preference’), the fact that we live in a fat-hating culture greatly affects who we’re attracted to, and what we find attractive. The idea that we’re only attractive within a range of sizes is absurd. And narrow. And it is absolutely a function of patriarchy. 8776 This whole thing is great! I can tell you put a lot of care into writing this and sharing it. Thanks!
I love it. Unfortunately its the truth. Thanks for the honesty. Been there done that and the truth is..the weight does subconsciously dim your light not because you arent outgoing and social..but because that fear of rejection due to weight occupies that tiny little space in your mind on a fulltime even though that type of rejection doesmt force you into retreat it never feels good and you never forget that
Big difference between collateral damage and murder. Not only that, but these ISIS type fags generally hang out around civilians and use them as shields. There has never been a superpower like the USA that has used so much restraint when at war. Do you think that if a Muslim country like Saudi Arabia or Iran went to war that they would use the same restraint? LOL, of course not. 95% of deaths in the middle east are the result of other Muslims actions remember that.
However what is upsetting to me is that lots of people here seem complain about Swedes being rude and unfriendly by being rude and unfriendly themselves?! How nice is it really to post long comments on a website about how much you hate Swedes (or anyone else for that matter)? Yes we are all entitled to our own opinions and I 8767 m not saying you all have to love Sweden and Swedes. But saying things like Swedes are rude, Swedes do this, don 8767 t do that, and bitching about how horrible people are, THAT is what 8767 s rude and unfriendly. THAT shows a serious lack of manners and respect.
Highly? While 95+yo MILFs can look really nice and have the advantage of life experience, wits and maturity, it 8767 s rare they can outright beat a smoking hot 69yo for just pure physical sex appeal and beauty alone. That flawless skin, those glowing eyes. All women know this as fact in the pit of their stomachs and they fear age. There are exceptions of course but the Michelle Pfeiffers of the world are rare.
What you have to do, and I am afraid I have no specific advice on how, is if you notice someone you like but whom you sense is not going to have the bravado to approach you cold, you need to telegraph to him in subtle but unmistakable ways that he is welcome to try and that it 8767 s not going to end badly for him (at least not at first who knows where it might end). Don 8767 t be surprised if it takes him a while to catch on. At first he will simply not notice. The next stage, he will notice but not believe. 8775 Nah, can 8767 t be, I 8767 m misinterpreting. 8776 Then it will start to dawn. 8775 She 8767 s really interested but but it 8767 s still too scary. 8776 Then finally, if he his not gay, asexual, uninterested, or a total coward, he will make his bid. Be prepared for that to be underwhelming and timid.
Everything that you are basing your 8775 facts 8776 around is in Stocholm, a capital city. It 8767 s like I would base the whole US, from the week I spend in NYC, but I won 8767 t because I haven 8767 t been around in the US to make an opinion what it is like to live there. But here I work as a waitress, I get out around after tax, and I have a rent so I can manage to save about every month. Can a waitress in the US manage that??
Maybe Sweden is not perfect, and if you compare it with other countries there would probably be countries more desirable to live in, but I would say, if you don 8767 t like it- don 8767 t stay, becuse the thing I have about Sweden the most, is complaining people- especially complaining foreingers!
Also, I agree with your last two statements, but to a certain extent. The problem with relying on feedback from other men and women is the fact that most people will not be truly honest about someone 8767 s SMV to their face. It would be considered somewhat rude to be brutally honest about someone else 8767 s attractiveness upfront. There are some people who I honestly think are 5s or 6s, but I would never tell them that to their face. I know it would hurt their feelings, even though the information may be true in my eyes. It would be hard for me to look someone in the face and tell them that they are unattractive.
First online dating YES, I was thinking the exact same thing! My friend recently joined eHarmony and I was helping her look through matches, and I noticed the same exact thing. Guys saying, albeit in nicer words, 8775 no fat chicks. 8776 Although online dating offers the opportunity to avoid guys that don 8767 t share your fundamental values, while seeing my friend 8767 s matches, I couldn 8767 t help but feel reaffirmed in my thoughts that men honestly don 8767 t want to date fat women.
I lost about 65 pounds and now I am a hour glass shaped, size 65, 5 8767 7, 655 been two years and I still haven 8767 t gained the weight back..but guess what?
I still feel 8766 too big 8767 like im part of a niche group that only guys like my boyfriend who like 8766 thick 8767 girls are into (luckily I met him before I even tried online dating, I admit, I would be too cowardly to do online dating ever again).
Online dating isn 8767 t really the best way to meet people when you don 8767 t fit that sterotypical ideal of American beauty it 8767 s too easy to arbitrarily dismiss someone based on physical characteristics alone.
You should really do it for yourself..because otherwise it isn 8767 t worth it. I am constantly, vigilantly, monitoring my food intake etc to keep the weight off. I literally weigh myself everyday to make sure I 8767 m not gaining, and if I am, I get back on track immediately. So to put yourself under this constant scrutiny, probably for the rest of your life, is a lot to sacrifice for a romantic partner, and honestly..I love my boyfriend..but I don 8767 t think I would do this for any man..
Ok, I 8767 ll stop here (I could go on and on and on!) I used to love Sweden, I really did, but lately I 8767 ve found myself disgusted by the people (including some of my so called friends) and system. It 8767 s really weird here, and not in an exotic and intriguing way it 8767 s just weird and Twilight Zone-like, but cold and without the charm. Sometimes I find myself in a Kafkaesque novel, and I 8767 m asking myself- 8775 what the hell am I still doing here? 8776 The Stockholm Syndrome I guess.
A woman will be attractive to men well into her thirties and sometimes into her fourties if she keeps herself up. I don 8767 t buy into this belief that men instinctively know a woman 8767 s fertility. I can honestly say I get more attention now in my thirties than I ever did in my early twenties. I 8767 m a lot more confident now, I have better fashion sense, etc. Being a workout freak, I 8767 ve been able to keep my shape. No one ever guesses I 8767 m past 75 or 76. With all that said though,I believe that there can be a huge disconnect berween how a woman looks and how fertile she is. You can fool people all you want by keeping yourself looking (also genes help), but you can 8767 t fool biology. I 8767 m learning that the hard way. It 8767 s just so sad because you think you have all the time in the world because you look so good on the outside but more than likely your reproductive organs are aging at the rate they are meant to. Cruel joke by the universe I feel. Keep that in mind women.
I appreciate this honest and vulnerable post I never thought of my weight as a problem, until we were at a club (college days, so smaller than I am now), and a guy and I exchanged numbers. Then he leaned over and said, 8775 I hope you 8767 re not self-concious about your weight. 8776 I wasn 8767 t, until then. I have had all those experiences, and it 8767 s not nice or pretty to be ignored because you 8767 re the 8775 fat one 8776 and sometimes this simply means 8775 bigger than your homegirls. 8776 I wish that the scenario of people being attracted to each other and loved for their personality first was the rule, and not the exception, but it isn 8767 t. Which is why I 8767 ve recently decided to pay more attention to my health and diet to increse my confidence, which is completely shot. Heres to hoping those changes make positive changes in my love life as well.
Men, on the other hand, place more emphasis on physical beauty than women do. You might know a 8775 few tricks in the sack 8776 at age 95 than you would have at age 75 yourself. However, most men don 8767 t really care that much if their sexual partner is relatively inexperienced and actually most men would prefer to marry a somewhat sexually inexperienced women instead of a highly experienced woman.
DIVORCE RATES = SHALLOW DOES NOT LAST AND IS EXPENSIVE
6. Check out divorce rates they are highest amongst the very poor, the very rich and those marriages with the largest age gap. Women who date older men trade in youth for success ( fair enough ). Men who date much women trade beauty for brains and experience ( fair enough ) but most of these marriages do not last. AND guys please consider this. Women know aging can be tough but we want you to look great too! If we have to be 8775 Barbie 8776 then YOU have to be 8775 Ken 8776 :)
Thanks for commenting but I 8767 m also dealing with the fact that any guy that I 8767 m remotely friendly to thinks that I am attracted to him. When my looks changed for the better I became friends with one guy who actually approached me and talked to me. I made it clear that I only wanted to be his friend. I also was not physically attracted to him at all. Fast forward two years later and he decides that it is time for us to be more than friends. I say I still only want to be his friend and he never talks to me again. He was so angry with me when I rejected his advances. Before my looks changed, guys only considered me as a friend, no matter how friendly I was was them or how much I blushed and stammered in the presence of a particular guy. Now, if I even talk too long to a guy or even look in his general direction, a guy thinks that I am interested in him when I 8767 m not. I 8767 m so used to being invisible that now it scares me to be the female who get the attention of most guys. I don 8767 t know what to do with it.
Many of the posters in the comments on the other hand, be they Swedish, American or whatever else, make me wonder whether they were dropped on the head before or after reaching adolescence. The ignorance is so wide-spread that I can only stare in wonder and quote that virtuosic, eponymous Anchorman : 8775 I 8767 m not even mad that 8767 s amazing. 8776 (Joking, but honestly, sometimes you just gotta sit back and marvel. Are these people for real? As in, can we be absolutely certain that they are actually human beings?)
Acknowledging these larger structural issues around the commodification of male desire and the way it affects our dating options and choices as women is difficult, because it can make us feel powerless and/or less-than-feminist. So posts like this make folks uncomfortable, often leading to three kinds of reactionary (and unhelpful) comments. The first will be from those folks who insist that I must really have low self-esteem about my weight and that it must be coming through to the dudes I’m meeting. Um, that would be a Negative. That ain’t it. Even though we all have insecurities, self-confidence is not my major struggle. The only way to live in my body, doing the work I do, is to be confident.