Posted: 2017-12-07 22:08
Many years ago during my college years I had a nice looking slim bf that we dated since last year of HS. when I went off to college this heavier set southern gentlemen took a shining to me. I didn 8767 t date him but he was quick with the compliments, taking me to lunch, flirting and telling me how he wish i didn 8767 t already have a bf. He was handsome as could be and if I didn 8767 t have a bf yes i would 8767 ve given him a chance. my bf was good at compliments and being chivalry as well so I was good.
I 8767 ll be honest: I 8767 m not surprised. America 8767 s a big country and we 8767 re getting bigger. According to the Center for Disease Control , 69% of adults 75 years old and over are overweight and 85% are considered obese. And yet even when the number of people who are considered overweight form the majority of the population, obesity is in many ways one of the remaining acceptable prejudices. Last week, the #fatshamingweek hastag was trending on Twitter as numerous assholes and shitbags 6 took to the network and decided to mock fat people mostly women, but men too from behind the dubious anonymity of their Twitter accounts.
You have to believe in your heart that everyone out there is given an equal shot at being happy, to enjoy the dating journey and at finding love. If you are walking around thinking the deck is stacked against you because you are of certain size, look or personality then you are aiding in making this notion a reality. When someone walks around with this thinking they exude negative vibes and are often times found to be unattractive due more to their vibes then their physical appearance.
Fast forward to my late 85 8767 s in between marriages. met a nice slim guy at my church he was so good looking I hated him and he was attracted to me but thought I was too stuck up. HHAAA we ended up teaming up for a church project and became friends rather quickly. I still thouht he was too stuck up and cocky but loved his personality otherwise. We never went beyond friends for that reason, but he did try to get me to be his gf. I told him as much as I like him as a freind, he wont do me any good as a cocky bf.
In fact, he'll be around longer. If you're all about health then don't overlook the chubby guys. Researchers for the Journal of the American Medical Association found that overweight people (but not obese) may live longer than people that are clinically normal body weight. So if your end goal is to live longer (and whose isn't?) then a guy with a little extra fat may be the perfect partner in crime.
Yes, I realize that I said earlier that diet and exercise isn 8767 t the ticket to being skinny. This isn 8767 t about losing weight, this is about being healthy. The average American diet is fucking horrible. We eat far too much processed food, drink far too little water and on the whole don 8767 t get nearly enough exercise. This doesn 8767 t just contribute to weight issues but to depression, mood-swings, digestive issues, poor sleeping habits and a weakened immune system.
Well, I think most of us think most people are potentially appealing to at least some people. I don t think anyone here s ever suggested that they will be appealing to those people no matter how they present themselves. A person who makes no effort to be attractive is quite different and will have different results from the very same person putting some effort into the basics of attractive dress, hygiene and social skills.
On top of that how those calories and other nutrients effect the resting metabolism of each individual can change, and that resting burn rate is affected by sleep, wellness and activity. There is also some research pointing to the effect of gut bacteria on all these factors. So In and Out may be a solid rule but an individuals control over their in and out isn t as strong as these examples indicate.
The catch, however, as I communicated to him, was and continues to be that my fellow Media Lab-esque colleagues and fellow MENSA members, unfortunately, preferred (and apparently prefer) the same Heidi Klum/Halle Berry/Angelina Jolie-esque size zero model that the Wall Streeters and football players do. And they will choose nothing else. As I ve mentioned elsewhere in the thread, I have a six-pack, and I m at the gym 9x a week, and don t mind going dutch on a date but I ll never be a size zero, even if I tried to starve myself (and that s not a non-empirical conclusion).
Totally random note, I ve felt for a long time that portion sizes in restaurants and fast-food joints reflect the patriarchal slant of society. Food is served for men s appetites, not women, which I think is why so many women struggle with their weight. We (women) should really be eating a 8rd of what they serve in most restaurants, or not eat out at all Lord forbid you re a man with eyes bigger than his stomach, hm?
I have some male relatives that are kind of assholes this way and mock others for dating not conventionally attractive women, skinny women, fat women, white/black/Asian/Every tribe that isn t Apache (and even some Apache) etc. Most of the time the people being busted on can handle it, but lots of times they can t. Now my family might be the outlier, but I sort of doubt it. I think it is hard for men to step out proud with a woman who is of a type he thinks people will judge him for due to age, education, ethnicity, class, etc., which has to be a self-limiting belief. It might even lead to guys dating women they see not attracted to, but meet social expectations, which can t be good in the long run.
Yes, it 8767 s easy to say 8775 grow a thicker skin 8776 in response to the abuse that gets heaped upon you but that doesn 8767 t mean that it 8767 s not necessary. There are assholes out there who live for causing other people misery. There will be days when it seems like everyone is determined to shit all over you, personally. But in the end, their opinions don 8767 t fucking matter. They 8767 re showing themselves to be fuckheads, so why should you gift them with the power to hurt you? Why should you care about what some fuckhead thinks?
As a relatively skinny girl, I have received my share of nasty comments, from being anorexic, bitchy, anal, stupid, a prude or a slut. I know this is not on par with the abuse overweight people get, but it shows that no matter how you look YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH. N-E-V-E-R. Even if you looked like Gisele there would always be some asshole implying how you re stupid or got everything you have because of your looks.
I love fat guy humour. Fat guy here, sarcastic remarks are one of our major strengths. A fat guy who can t crack wise is like a Newfie who can t get on the pogey [guess what else I am]. Hell if a feller can t make fun of himself I figure he is just a defensive schmuck. I ve known people like that who if you poke the slightest bit of fun at them get their backs up about it. They can dish but they can t take. That my friends shows a lack of confidence. I joke, it would be horrid to exclude myself from the target range.
That is really difficult (I imagine) for a man to write a body positive article specifically for women, because a man really has not been conditioned to think of his body in the same way that a woman has been conditioned to think about hers (and also to accept it). There are probably other sites and forums where that is discussed in a way that is more productive for a female audience, although honestly, most people aren t going to give a shit that your body isn t perfect or even that it doesn t fit into their perfect ideals.
it does make sense if you hang out in specific sub-cultures like nerdom. I do see bigger women getting dates, but very rarely do I see it among geeky friends. I think this probably goes back to geek guys connecting their partner with their social value. Hang out in any nerdy corner of the Internet for an hour or two and you ll come across *at least* a few comments shaming women s bodies for not being ideal or perfect. And sure, guys write into Dan Savage. to talk about their shame and embarrassment over what they re attracted to.
I subscribe to a dating site calls Coffee Meet Bagels. The basic concept is that you fill out a very brief profile about your basic background, what your like, and what your looking for in a date. You then get a match a day and have the option of selecting liking or passing. If you select like and your match does to than they set up a private text line for you to chat through. This Saturday, my match was a woman who stated that she was five feet tall in her profile. She also said that she appreciates when her dates can dance, hold intellectual conversations (good for me) and are at least a foot taller than her. That is if your not six feet tall, don t even bother. Tall height seems to be a relatively common physical attribute that a lot of women are looking for.
So I d submit, respectfully, that only half of it at best is getting past it. The other half is 75% the attitude you bring to the table I mean, please don t be that guy and 75% percent what you re looking for (I m not a size zero blonde, and for some nerd guys that s still the ONLY thing that will do, more s the irony, but I do have a six-pack and have been known to treat for a duet session at the gym on a date).
And I d like to point out again that I m not speaking my own *personal* opinion on *myself.* Convincing me would not be the point, since I highly doubt the Doc would write an entire article JUST to satisfy me. I would want to see this article written as a confidence and moral booster for OTHER women because having a positive article centered around larger ladies bodies is such a rarity in media. My view of myself is completely beside the point.
The real truth is he d never convince me that *I, personally* am attractive to guys because I think I have a bizarre body. I ve spent hours rummaging around Reddit trying to get a sense of what men are attracted to I see plenty of positive comments in posts on both r/curvy and r/BBW. I d like to see an article by Dr. NerdLove as a written representation of that, since I highly doubt other women wander into those threads like I do. But for me, personally, I am neither slim, curvy, nor BBW, so trying to convince *me* would be a moot point.