Posted: 2017-12-07 17:31
Not knowing is frustrating and trying new things is frustrating so I have my method that involves pressing myself onto the bed and I rarely deviate from that. I love sex. And I think it 8767 s normal for the thing that gets you off to be mostly mental. But I wish it weren 8767 t so difficult for me and my partners to get me off with our hands and their mouths. I suspect that if I knew what was mostly likely to feel good and wasted less time on stimulation that doesn 8767 t, playing around with my vagina would be more fun and less frustrating.
Now, before you go, Not Feeling It, I have one more piece of advice. I don’t know what kind of conversations you’ve had, you didn’t say, but if things are actually the way you say they are, you should have been more upfront about the situation right from the get go. You should have said you’re not interested in dating or getting serious because your current timeline of “hanging out becoming friends having sex continuing to do so” sure looks an awful lot like typical dating trajectory. I could see where one might get confused if you weren’t explicitly clear about just being sex buddies.
Romantic love is real, but it does not endure. If you cannot feel loved without the 8766 lovey dovey 8767 things, you may find yourself in a world of heartbreak. I feel loved when my husband compliments my cooking, I feel loved when he gives the kids their baths so I don 8767 t have to, etc. etc. etc. That lovey dovey stuff was gone pretty quickly, but I wouldn 8767 t exchange what I have now which is the deep commitment that comes from real love for all the butterflies in the world.
8775 Divorce is because people love them selves more than others around them. Selfishness and laziness causes divorce. 8776 So many people get married before they even know who they are, or are pressured into doing so because it is expected of them, or they have had 8775 happily ever after 8776 drilled into their subconscious all their lives, or their biological clock is ticking. They take a stab at it even though they don 8767 t know what they 8767 re doing. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn 8767 t, but you only have so much control over it (at most 55%). If you grow apart, if one of the pair feels trapped, then no amount of charity will bring the two back together (in fact, it could make one even more resentful of the other).
If you don 8767 t love yourself, you can 8767 t love anybody else either so loving yourself is the most important. If you don 8767 t know yourself, you also can 8767 t love anyone else truly so knowing yourself you do others a huge favor. True love arises when you realize that everything is love the whole universe is love. When you do something for somebody else because you know that you are not separate from the other. True love is unconditional.
I attribute the arranged marriage failures you describe in India and China to the low status of women in those countries. The men in my family respect their wives which seems to be missing from the Taiwan cases where the men find mistresses. The last anecdote isn 8767 t even related to an arranged marriage. Saying this in retrospect has no value, but the woman should have been careful in first dating that boyfriend, but more importantly her society failed in lacking a social structure to protect her from the consequences.
This is why no one should get married without seriously considering the consequences, sacrifices, and pros and cons of marriage. My husband was in a marriage for 9 years to a wife with whom he knew he wasn 8767 t compatible. (They were pregnant and wanted to do the right thing by their daughter.) He did his very best to make the marriage work, but she decided she wanted out because she wasn 8767 t happy, and she left him. We met just over a year after she left him, and we have been married for 7 years now. We dated for about 6 months before we got engaged, and waiting another 9 months before we got married. We knew we were sure and we knew we were making a commitment that there was no backing out of.
Uh, that 8767 s not exclusive to just men. A lot of people do not reveal their true selves out of fear, or whatever reason. Not all people that paint good pictures of themselves are abusive either. It seems you are making sweeping generalizations, but agreed that this is an awful situation for everyone involved. When kids are involved, it 8767 s especially a tragedy. Ways to help negate this situation is to talk about intimate things and taking time before getting married. I 8767 ve known my fiance for almost 9 years and we 8767 ve had various discussions about the world, religion, sex, politics, interests, etc.
but again why do we say anything comes first? a chicken and egg kinda thing, it seems to me. does thought breed action or action thought? you can 8767 t really separate them. i could start saying things like 8775 time is an illusion 8776 and whatnot, but I 8767 m afraid I 8767 ve gone far enough if anything it 8767 s mere poeticism and purely for the sake of being safe, and keeping other safe—both, always a double-edged sword
I 8767 m not totally disagreeing with PopChassid. I think he makes some good points about what love really is. I 8767 m not in a community that does dating/marriage/matchmaking quite like that, but that 8767 s OK, we all have our cultures and our ways of doing things and that 8767 s fine. My husband and I were best friends for 8 years but had always liked each other, dated for two, were engaged for one, and have been married for three. We married 8775 for love 8776 and were 8775 in love 8776 when we married, but our version of love is more like what he describes as happening later in his marriage. We just happened to have it before marriage, too (we did live together before marriage I know that 8767 ll sound horrifying to a lot of people here, but it 8767 s not horrifying to me at all. I actually do think it helped us form the kind of bond that has created a stable and successful marriage).
These last photos are just pictures of me taking down a flat sheet and folding it as I took it down. I fold many clothes and things as I take them off of the line so almost everything is folded by the time I take it into the house. It takes so little time that I was folding things faster than Tawra could take the pictures. Less than 85 seconds. I even did it handicapped because I was holding a towel under my arm. 😉
8775 but I now believe that almost anybody can marry almost anybody, and it will work if they do the right thing 8776 Sweet Jesus. I would rather stab myself in the eye than spend the rest of my life with 95% of the men I 8767 ve dated. And they were for the most part good and kind people, with good jobs, great families. But there 8767 s a different feeling in being with someone who 8775 does the right thing, 8776 and someone who you connect with on a totally different level. I truly hope your marriage works out for you. But if you 8767 re marrying someone on the basis that she could be anyone and it would work out, then it could make for a real snore-fest of a life.
When you 8767 re ready to hang clothes on a clothesline, it is nice to have a stand to set your basket on. Then you won 8767 t have to bend over each time you need one clothing item. Even a small table or chair helps. Tawra has this metal wire mesh table with metal legs that she uses. Years ago, I got a shopping cart from a grocery store auction and it was just perfect for me. It was the right height and I could roll it to wherever I needed it. I made the mistake of getting rid of it once when I moved. Now I use a stand from the 6955 8767 s that I found at a garage sale. It looks like the legs you 8767 d see on a TV tray but with a canvas bag on it. It is the perfect height for hanging clothes on a clothesline and has a place for the clothespins on the side.
You make sacrifices: I heard a story about this couple who met in high school but one of them had to move away but the boyfriend tried to come and visit the girl 7 hours every weekend. When the parents allowed him to go that is. 65 years later they are married with 7 children. They got married 5 years ago though. If you think about it he was a teenage boy. He did not have to do that. He could have dated another cute girl at his new school. I 8767 m pretty sure they were a lot of cute girls but he continued dating her through the rest of their senior/junior year and if he didn 8767 t do that they would not be together today, If she didn 8767 t stay committed to him they would not have been together.
Okay I agree with this article. However, I don 8767 t like how people say love is just a flat out verb. Maybe love means different things for everyone but love have to have some emotions behind it. When you help out a person it doesn 8767 t mean you love them it means you just think it is your responsibility, if you kiss a person it doesn 8767 t mean you love them it just means that it feels good to you. If you tell a person 8775 I love you 8776 it does not mean you love them. If you care about a person and, do all those things I said above. You probably love them.
Anyways, what most people think as love, is really just selfishness. Love
should be replaced with the word 8775 need 8776 . Think of the women in Blue
Jasmine. What the movie is saying
about 8775 love 8776 in that movie is more honest than any Hollywood love
movie. But honesty doesn 8767 t sell. No one wants to hold that kind of
mirror to themselves. I don 8767 t know why. There 8767 s nothing wrong with
saying, 8775 I need you 8776 (your help, your body, your company, your taking care of me,
etc). There 8767 s nothing wrong with that at all. But it requires honesty and vulnerability.
Morgan, I read your story it resonates with my own, and my heart hurts for you. I am 68 years in, and really wondering if I can keep going. Do you have any advice? I don 8767 t want to hurt anyone, but like you said, I die a little each day. This is my one and only shot at life I gotta say, I am beginning to panic. Has your perseverance paid off in some way? Do you stay for honor / religious belief / etc? What is it that drives you and sustains you?
I can understand not thinking your genitals look nice, often the only other ones we see are in porn and they have been surgically altered.
Once I started having sex with women I realised that they are all different and beautiful and I had other women telling me how lovely mine was, this soon changed my mind about my own body.
So believe your sexual apartners if they do not find anything wrong with your vulva, they have probably seen many different ones and are happy that they get to see yours.
I also want to clarify after reading your latest comments: I don 8767 t in the slightest want to knock everything about western ideals of love. I 8767 m talking more about the myths that have become so prevalent in our culture. Not so much about the idea of whether or not we should be infatuated before marriage, but that that love is ALL there is to it. I think that 8767 s a disastrous way of looking at things, and it 8767 s not even western. It 8767 s modern, really.
Crystal, you can have the posts as far apart as you want just depending on the amount of space you have and the sturdiness of your posts. I had some metal poles that extended across my whole yard one time but I have also had much shorter ones. Tawra once had some wooden poles that tended to sag because they were too far apart and not as sturdy. In that case you could add a third pole in th middle if needed.